It rained the last two days, much needed. Today was outstanding, no clouds, high of 68 degrees, the trees are leafed out, roses blooming, and a pair of brown thrushes making a nest in the arbor on the back deck. Thrushes usually distance themsulves from man so I feel honored. Barb the nurse was here yesterday and took me to school; Dying 101. She said that the first sign is elevated blood pressure. This happened about 13 days ago. Next elevated heartbeat and low blood pressure. Her pressure was low Monday; heartbeat, 99. She went on but this is probably more than one who spends life ignoring death wants to know. I read today that man is not a body inhabited by a spirit but a spirit teporarily inhabiting a body. Humm. Dale

No change

Nothing new to report. The neighbor lady across the street is going to come over this afternoon while I shop/ Dale

Spoiled in Charlotte

Today a lady from hospice will come and sit with Joyce for 3 hours while I run errands. This happens once a week. On Monday and Thursday a nurse and an aid come. The aid gives Joyce a bath and the nurse nurses. The nurse is a down home, funny hoot. She had Bets and I in stitches, Bets left Wednsday and called upon safe arrival. I am alone for the first time in three weeks. Bets and the girls spoiled me terribly--thank you. I will be fine by myself as Hospice provides super backup. Dale

Wednesday

Dear loved ones: I am still with Dale in Charlotte. It is so hard to leave. Joyce does not seem to be in pain but does not respond to much now. When she is not sleeping, her eyes remain closed and she seems peaceful. The end is near and it is hard to let go. I know you are all keeping JOyce in your prayers. Love, Bets

Tuesday April 22

Dear All:
Dale has gone to the store to stock up on the things he will need. I am planning to go back to Florida tomorrow if all stays the same. This morning we did a little house cleaning. Dale is getting good at doing the laundry and keeping things on track. The nurse put in a catheter which is a tremendous help. No more changing the bed and more comfortable for Joyce. The fluids were building up and making her very restless. Joyce is sleeping most of the time now but hears what you say. Does not open her eyes much to look at us anymore. We play some of her favorite music and she likes that. The nurse kept Dale and I in stitches yesterday with some of her nursing home patient stories. She is a character. Bye for now.
Love to all, Bets

Good evening everybody! :) It's Lori from Riverside, IA. I wanted to share a few photos of mom and I in Charlotte last time. It was the first visit for me after her cancer diagnosis. I thought she looked AMAZING in her wigs. Just like the Joyce hairdo everyone knew.
We were unable to get any family photos 2 weeks ago in Charlotte as she did not have the strength to sit up. The tumors on her spine are bothersome.
I want to remember mom this way.....happy, fun, free-spirited. The smile says it all.......... Lori

Saturday in Charlotte

Dear Family and Friends:
Today Joyce is more alert and the smiles are back. Even ate two of the chocolate chips cookies I baked. Dale just went outside to hit a few practice golf balls but I bet he will be coming in soon as it has started to rain. It is much needed. With the drought Charlotte had last year, the lawns are not in very good shape. The paper yesterday informed us that we can now water and wash cars one day a week. Dale took advantage of that news and washed both our vehicles this morning. It has been interesting watching the Pope's visit to the U.S. on TV. What ceremony - pomp and circumstance!!
Shalom, Bets

Four score and more she was a rock. But now. The forces of nature are chipping away. Dust flys from the rock a little each day. Yesterday a scare. Strong pain medicine. Open eyes that did not see. Breath chattering. A prelude of things to be. Electric bed up; she now breathes and sees. The young ignore it, and the old. Until the tsumani rushes in. With age and it's inherent boredom. Life's last great aventure???? Dale Lange

Thursday in Charlotte

Dear Friends and Family:
what a gorgeous day in N.C. The sun shone all day and the weather was warm. Spring is here and the birds are singing.
The nurse and lady that gives the bath were both here today. By the time they finished, Joyce was very tired and slept all day. Dale got out some today and I worked in the kitchen. Cleaned out the frig and oven while Joyce slept. Not much to report. Things are mostly the same as yesterday. Not eating as much and not able to get out of the bed anymore.
Keep the thoughts and prayers coming this way.
Love to all, Bets

Another day in Charlotte

Dear Friends and Family:
Today is Wednesday and all is well. Joyce was much quieter today. She did enjoy her meals and chocolate treats. Not eating a lot but enjoys what she does eat. Dale got a chance to run some errands and get out of the house for a few hours. Then came home and mowed the lawn. At dinner time we ate and watched the Pope talk to his bishops in D.C. church. Dale and I both are hard of hearing and kept asking each other. "Do you understand that?" Guess we should have had our hearing aids in, huh? Tomorrow the nurse comes again. Hospice help is a great thing.
Will write more tomorrow.
Love to all, Bets

Tuesday in Charlotte

Dear all:
Things are going well. The nurse came today and gave Dale and I some lessons on how to change the bedding, etc. with Joyce in bed. We are getting quite good at it by now. Joyce continues to enjoy eating her chocolate treats and drinking her cokes. She is doing quite well in the eating department lately. Sleeps a lot but is not in pain. She talks about her loved ones and friends and thank me quite often for being here. Joyce said it is a treat to be fed her meals and likes it a lot!! She told me today that my Mother raised a wonderful son and how she loved him so much. Keep the emails and phone calls coming. I am learning so much from Joyce. She is teaching me what is important in life.
Bets

Hello from Charlotte on a sunny Sunday Afternoon

Hello:
It is cool but sunny today. Joyce has been resting all day with the cats keeping vigil. Since I am here to be with Joyce, Dale is playing farmer this afternoon. He is tilling the soil in the backyard and said he is going to raise some tomatoes and cukes. It is good to see him out getting some fresh air and exercise. Joyce is not talking much today but said she is not in any pain. Not much else to report at the present time. Will get off another note tomorrow.
Bets

Bets has arrived

Well, after 10 hours of driving from Florida I arrived in Charlotte. Driving still beats the crowds and security lines at the airports! Joyce was happy to see me and had a big smile for me. It is amazing to see her loving spirit through all she is going through. She said she was very hungry so Dale went to KFC tonight and I helped her eat. She kept telling me how good it was. She has a lot of pain in her back area when she is moved around. Lying flat she seems to be ok. Dale has some errands to take care of so he can take care of that while I am here to be with Joyce. Keep sending your posts and your prayers.
I will try to keep everyone updated as the days go by.
Love, Bets

Barf

Yesterday was a bit testy. Joyce fell twice; once while sitting on the porta-pot and once while Jill was moving her to the pot. It takes effort to get her from the floor to the bed. After taking Jill to the airport Joyce, asked to go to the pot four times with no results. My back is now hurting. For her safety I ordered a hospital bed arriving at 7:00 PM. After going from one to three days with no bowel movement, she had three from midnight to 7AM. The first one was a six gagger, the second a 0 gagger, and the third I stopped counting at twelve. The only smile I got out of her was when I said I was going to be a nurse in my next life. She is quite passive now and is losing her appetite. Tomorrow Bets is coming, yea. Dale Lange

I'm going home tomorrow...

and it is going to be very hard. I miss Steve and the girls, but how do you say goodbye to your mother? I am grateful for the time I've had with her this year. So many people don't get to say what they need to say, and I'm happy I've been able to. It's also hard leaving Dad. I really wish I could stay and help out longer. A huge thank you to Uncle Lyle and Aunt Bets for making themselves available to help Dad when he needs it.

Every day Mom is getting a little weaker and is able to sit up for shorter lengths of time. Today at dinner her back really started to hurt, and continued to hurt after she laid down. We gave her a pain pill which we don't have to do very often. Most days the patch is enough pain medication, but the tumor in her spine must be growing.

Dr. Grevis the hospice physician visited today. He was really nice, and Mom is in very good hands. He is a former neurosurgeon and really knows his stuff.

Pray for me to get home safely tomorrow. I'm flying through Minneapolis, and they are supposed to be getting a snowstorm. One day at a time...

Love you all!
Jill

Update on Mom, Dad, the three Mexicans and me

Yesterday we explained to Barb the hospice nurse that it was becoming too difficult for us to bathe Mom. Barb set up an aide to come twice a week to bathe Mom. Today Lawanda showed up and she was awesome. Mom's first words to her were "You're beautiful!" She really is beautiful and I was shocked when she told us her oldest is 18 years old. She was able to get Mom in and out of the tub and give her a really good bath, which Dad and I were not sure she would be able to do. We were really grateful, and Mom was glad to be clean.

Yesterday when I got home from the store, Dad told me that there were three Mexicans in the garage. Sure enough, when I got out of the car, I could hear them talking Spanish, too. Dad had been moving some boxes that Lori had packed, and dropped one of them on the floor. Apparantly, it has a radio on the bottom of it which switched on when the box was dropped. Dad said that eventually the batteries would die out, but I think it could be a long time. They have been chatting and singing in Spanish for over 24 hours now, and Dad and I crack up everytime we go into the garage. I'll probably eventually figure out which box it is and dig out the radio, but for now it is good comic relief.

Monday

Hi from Jill--
Barb the hospice nurse paid a visit this morning. She is a wonderful nurse, but what she said was hard to hear. She talked about what we can expect to see in Mom's health as she declines, and it is so sad. It set the tone for a sad day.

I did some grocery shopping after breakfast. I splurged on a few items. I got some daisies for Mom's windowsill and some artichoke dip from the deli. When I got home I asked Mom if she wanted a snack, and she was thrilled that I had bought the artichoke dip. I fed her cracker after cracker and she kept wanting more. She said that her Dad loved artichoke dip and it reminded her of him. I had no idea, but I thought that was pretty cool.

She got up to the table for all three meals, but tired pretty quickly. I spent the afternoon with her in bed talking and listening to music. She has always loved Barbra Streisand, Olivia Newton-John and Frank Sinatra. When I was a kid, many of Mom's albums were in my room in my stereo cabinet. I would pull them out and listen to them along with my own albums. (Like Shaun Cassidy and Free to Be You and Me.) Mom and I were both singing to Barbra Streisand's Second Album today. Years ago I loved the song on that album called Coloring Book. Listening to it again today, I realized it is a very sad song. I don't remember it being a sad song, but I may not have heard it in 30 years.

I made scalloped oysters for dinner. Dad thawed about a quart of oysters the other day intending to make oyster stew. The main ingredient in oyster stew is milk, and he and Mom only drink soy milk, and I didn't know how that would work. I volunteered to make scalloped oysters, and it was a hit. It turned out great. I also made chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately, Mom tired out before dessert so we took her to bed and I promised her I'd bring her a cookie tomorrow. It's too bad, though. They are best fresh out of the oven.

We continue to be grateful for all of your love and support. Thank you all.
Love, Jill

Hi from Jill!

Hi! This is Jill. Thanks to all of you for commenting, praying and thinking of us. Mom is stronger today and got up to eat at the table for breakfast and supper. After yesterday we were worried that she might be done getting up to the table, and I was so relieved this morning when she jumped at the chance to get up for scrambled eggs and toast.

I spent quite a bit of time today sorting through yarn. You would think I was exaggerating if I told you how much yarn is in this house. Tomorrow I will be sorting though knitting projects. There are finished sweaters, sweaters with the pieces finished but not put together, and sweaters still on the needles. Mom was such a prolific knitter to which many of you can attest. It is so sad that she is not able to knit anymore. She lays flat on her back all day, and her short-term memory is just not good enough now. It is so so sad.

Dad and Lori picked out new light fixtures for the house last week, and Dad's friend came today to help install them. They got about half of them in, and will finish on Tuesday. Lori has a great decorating eye. They look great!

It was wonderful to spend some time with Lori before she left. Mom really enjoyed having the whole family together, and so did I. I miss Lori already. She brings such love and energy everywhere she goes.

I miss my sweetie and my girls. They spent the weekend at their other Grandma's house this weekend and said they had fun. I try to keep fairly recent pictures of them on our family blog which is here if you are interested. Steve had a bachelor party Friday night, but it sounds like it was not too rowdy. He is a groomsman in a wedding on Saturday, and I'm looking forward to seeing him in a tux again.

Thank you all again for your love, prayers and support. Your phone calls, cards and comments on this blog mean so much.
Love, Jill

My last day with my mom...

Hi everyone! :) Jill's here, yeah! She arrived late as her plane was sitting on the runway in Detroit. They told them it was due to "paperwork" but someone with a laptop on the plane looked it up and it said "unscheduled maintenance." Anyhoo....she arrived.
Mom was thrilled to see Jill.:) She put her hand out and they held hands. Very cool sight.

Jill and I spent the day organizing jewelry. It took hours! Mom has a huge jewelry collection fit for a queen...because she is a queen! I also cleaned the master bathroom and vanity.
Now I'm pooped and getting ready for bed. I need to be at the airport by 6 a.m. for my 8 a.m. flight home. I miss my boyfriend Dave TONS. My kitties? Not so much. I love them but this is the first trip I've taken where they have someone (Dave) to love em' feed em' pet em' and be there the whole time so they are in great hands.

How's mom today?

Not so hot. Today was a rough one for her. She's having difficulties getting up out of bed. She barely has the strength to get up. Dad will ask next week if we can get an adjustable bed from hospice for her. He'll also get someone to bathe her twice weekly as she will not be able to get into the tub. Her legs are too weak to hike up over the tub.
Jill put Barbara Streisand in a CD player and put it on her bed. We left to organize jewelry and could hear her sing to it every once in a while. That made our day. :) She's still eating well so that's a good sign. This will be my last blog entry for this trip.
Take care everyone. Keep the prayers coming for a peaceful and painless rest of the journey for mom. She has very limited time left on earth. Also pray for dad as he is the most incredibly strong and loving man I've ever met!
Love to you all, Lori

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Good evening everyone! :) My trip is winding down. I fly out Sunday morning at 8 a.m. It's been bitter sweet. I don't want to leave as I know I won't see mom again in this lifetime.:( Very tough.....makes me appreciate LIFE and all it's wonders a lot more~

Mom is "the same" today. Up for breakfast, lunch and dinner and to the restroom then back in bed with Cashmere and Monet. She's been listening to her walkman talk radio today some.
She's excited for Jill's arrival late tonight, so am I!
I spent the day at mom's bathroom vanity "organizing." Really that means throwing expired toiletries away. TIP OF THE DAY.....canned foods and lotion, hair care products, makeup only last a while not for a decade or two. Bless her heart she loved her makeup,lotions,potions, perfume and "stuff" but it almost all was old and had to go. (Except the perfume, jewelry and current make-up.....keeping all of that)
I've taken pictures of mom and her kitties in bed. If Dave can help me get them off my camera and onto the blog next week when I arrive home I'll post them. She really does have a great head for baldness.
I better go finish the vanity area and put the sheets on the bed for Jill. Bye!! Lori

Good morning!

Lori here.:) It's a cold and rainy day today. Good day to stay inside and organize closets.:) Tomorrow will be 78 degrees and sunny. Weird weather this week.

Mom had a little fall this morning dad said. I don't know the particulars because I was sleeping but she's just fine. He woke me and had me come out to watch her while he went to run errands.

Barb the nurse was here this a.m. doing her twice weekly checks. Mom was in bed and a little dizzy when she got up. Her blood pressure was a little high:148/98 said Barb. We waited until she got her bearings then she got up out of bed on her own and scooted with her walker to the kitchen table briskly. Barb said she did not get injured in the fall as she was able to walk fast with her walker and get out of bed on her own.

SUPER FUNNY STORY.........As mom and I were eating breakfast, Barb was talking about her cat. She said her cat is mean to her but very nice to her husband. Mom's response?? With a disgusted look on her face she replied, "That's because he's ugly!" Oh my gosh I've never laughed so hard in my life! Mom has never met or seen this man. She is fiesty as ever. So that's been my morning thus far. Full of laughs and it's not even noon yet!

Dad went to get his hairs cut (eyebrows and all so he won't look like 60 Minutes Andy Rooney any longer) then to pick up the beautiful light fixtures we picked out a few days ago and onto the grocery store.
May 6th is the Democratic Primary in North Carolina so the candidates are arriving in the state. Bill and Hill are coming tomorrow to Charlotte. Location unannounced. Dad and I might try to see them. I detest Hillary but LOVE Bill so I want to check them out. If she's the Democratic candidate I'm voting for McCain. 1st time I'd switch to vote Republican. (God rest my soul!)
I better go now so I can clean clean clean. The house is shaping up nicely.
One more day until Jill arrives, yeahhhhhhh!!!!! Lori

Another great day spent with my mom....

Good evening! Lori again from Charlotte. Gorgeous day today but I was inside "organizing" all day. I'm POOPED! At dad's request I have been sorting through 3 closets full of mom's clothes. Not just clothes but tons of shoes, coats, purses, bags and children's toys for the grandkids Alix and Zoe. I've finished up on the spare bedroom closet and almost finished with the computer room closet but I ran out of steam and boxes. Tomorrow I'll tackle mom's "REAL" closet in her bedroom. She's aware of what I'm doing and has thanked me numerous times today for helping dad.
How is Joyce you ask?? Well she's still my mom.:) She may not look like herself or act like her vibrant self or dress like her snazzy self but her fiery spirit is still alive.:)
She woke up this morning and I got her a bowl of cheerios and a bacon/egg toasted sandwich. She then went back to bed until lunch. Dad got us wonderfully tasty Chinese and she ate her chicken/veggie meal, an eggroll, a crabmeat rangoon and a fortune cookie. Her appetite is GREAT! Then it was back to bed. She's been listening to talk radio on her walkman. I think she's sleeping all the time but she's not. She's awake with her eyes closed. Monet and Cashmere are in with her right now. Cas by her legs and Monet on her pillow. They are great comfort to her. For dinner she ate the rest of the Chinese. We've been encouraging her to sit in a chair in the living room and watch TV and hang out with us but she's too exhausted. 5 minutes at the dinner table for meals and to the restroom does her in.
Dad mowed the yard this morning then went to work from 3p.m.-11:00 p.m. so I'm "mom-sitting" which is great.:) She really does need someone with her at all times for assistance to the restroom with her walker. She has troubles getting up from a chair or the bed as her bones are very weak. But boy does she scoot fast with that walker!! She's a pro.... The neighbor lady sat with mom when dad went to the airport to pick me up. How wonderful are these neighbors?? They are great support to mom and dad.:)
2 MORE DAYS UNTIL JILL'S ARRIVAL-YEAH! I'm putting her to work. Mom has about 1,000 skeens of yarn and tons of finished kid's sweaters. Good luck Jill. This is your project to organize.:)
Looking at each individual sweater makes me totally appreciate mom's talent. She is such a gifted knitter. I'm impressed! She commented today how she loves to give them away to family and friends because everyone loves them. Well said.......

Beautiful 70 degree day with sunshine....

Good evening from Charlotte.:) Lori again. Enjoying my trip to the folk's home.
Today started off with a visit from the Hospice social worker. I chose to sleep through that one. Mom was less than enthused about her visit. "That lady invaded my space. I don't know her purpose." was mom's response when talking about her visit. Dad and I explained that she comes once every 2 weeks to help with paperwork and pay for all medication. "Well Dale may be lonely but I'm not," was her response. I had to try really hard not to laugh at that one but dad cracked up. She's the same ol' Joyce in most ways.:)
Mom got up to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and that was basically it. Still a great appetite. I laid in bed and we went over small photo albums together. She was able to tell me the name of her high school prom date, Jack and all the bridesmaids in her wedding, her grandkids Zoe and Alix. So today her mind seems pretty good. She has troubles at times getting complete sentences formed but with prompting she can do it.
She seriously has 25 radios in the house but thinks none of them work. So she said she wanted 2 walkmans for Christmas. She said,"Dale won't buy one for me but I know you'll come through with it."I took the one by her bed out of the room. Brought it back later, put it on a news channel and gave it back to her. She was thrilled! "What do I owe you?" She said. "Nothing. I stole it," I replied. :) "No you didn't!" So then I explained she owed me nothing and it was her old walkman. She doesn't believe it. So there is some confusion due to the radiation/tumors in the brain.
Dad and I left for a bit while she was sleeping. We went to Lowe's and Lee's Lighting. Dad purchased all new lighting units for the house with my decorating expertise. SUPER FUN! (Especially when it's not my money!) The house will now be modernized to the 2000's. We showed mom the dining room chandelier in the box. She loved it! "Thanks for doing that, it's beautiful!" she said.
Tomorrow I'll organize her closet. She said that would be great help to dad. Yesterday was spent throwing out 98% of their food pantry. Let's just say no one looks at expiration dates in this household, EVER! :)
Dad's doing an incredible job of managing everything. He's extremely organized and patient. I'm super impressed. Everyone should have a "Dale" around if they become sick.
Signing off now. I'm going to enjoy Versus T.V. station on cable. LOVE IT! Cage boxing, extreme fighting and bullriding. 3 days until Jill arrives. Mom is looking forward to a family picture. So am I :) Lori